crimsonandivory

Dear You, I didn't want to post another public letter, but I suppose it's safer when there's less chance of others knowing who the recipient is. It's hard for be to say this in person because I know you have Her, but I love you. It took me years and countless fuckups to realize it, but now I know it's really true and not some overblown crush. There is no one I'd rather have by my side to take on the world than you. I love you, and I wish I had gotten over my own stupid brain stuff earlier, and I wish that there was a way we could run away together without it being super obvious. I don't care that I'm the other woman (though I probably shoul

Dear You, I have been thinking about your doppleganger lately. We talk, and I have given him Chocolate Death Cookies and homemade chicken fingers. (Admittedly the cookies were in exchange for a much needed Lego piece, but it was overkill compensation considering the labor that goes into making them.) For some reason - some echo of your memory? - his approval of my cooking is more validating than anyone else. I don't think I love him. When he comes into my store and looks at me over the edge of his glasses, my stomach butterflies weakly flutter as if their corpses were stirred by a breeze, but it's nothing like the way they once beat for you

Dear You, Here I am at a gorgeous little hotel three miles from Disneyland, and all I can think of is how lovely it would be if you were here. Waking up next to you, making coffee in the kitchenette and exposing you to the wonders of my childhood. You'd probably be bored, make me go on all the rides I avoid and laugh at all my stupid impulse purchases, but I like to think at the end of the day when we're eating all the delicious overpriced food that wouldn't keep in the hotel minifridge, you would've had a good time. Damn you. Me

She used to be a creator of worlds. Now she gets lost in the worlds of others. Drunk on fantasy, she stumbles through reality without interest, as all dreamers do. The tenative future she built for herself is slipping through her fingers like sand in a sieve as she watches, shooting fairy dust into her veins. To her, it is just another dream.

I hate writing letters. Actually, I hate pretty much all communication with other people. There's something off about me; some social unacceptability that makes it hard for me to figure out what to do or say. I have a nagging feeling it's some form of Asperger's, but I'm not one to self diagnose. The point is, I'd really like to just be left alone with my books and CDs sometimes. I mean, I get along fine with little kids and animals, but people... Actually, that's a lie. Face to face I can deal with. It's all these walls of texting and instant messaging, or (God forbid) the phone. I cannot talk to people on the phone, hence me actively avoidi

Nothing I do will ever please her, ever make her forgive me or cease rubbing my face in my betrayal. Every opportunity she gets, she grinds me down in memory. Look what you did, the mementos say. You destroyed her for nothing. Never mind that I am destroyed as well; a creature of isolation and self loathing. It will never be enough. If I were to carve TRAITOR into my flesh, it would not be enough. Perhaps this is my penance: a lifetime of torment from the one I hurt the most, and the knowledge that everything I do makes her hate me even more. I do not deserve to have what I squandered away so long ago. Damn joy to the pits of Tartarus, for I

  I suppose The Academy Is... Broken Up would be a more accurate title, but it just doesn't feel right. I literally grew up with The Academy Is... I first heard them in a Vans store in summer 2006. I fell in love with William Beckett that November after seeing Snakes on a Plane, but I thought he was a member of Cobra Starship. I didn't really get into The Academy Is... until the following spring, when I discovered Fall Out Boy's 'A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More Touch Me' video. I wrote terrible fanfiction over the summer, crossing it with My Chemical Romance's 'Helena'.  September 21, 2007, I started this Livejournal after winn